As I look forward to having enough time on my hands to finally finish cleaning my basement, I realized that there might just be some other "cleaning" that needs to take place. I think if I get this down in writing, maybe I can finally let some of these things go and, honestly, move closer to getting over myself. I have some yucky things crudding up my heart and I'm ready to get rid of them. There are many things that I realize I will never be, so it's time to move on. So, here goes--my Soul Spring Cleaning:
1. I realize that I will never be a teacher. This one has been the hardest for me, but despite how hard I try and despite how many interviews I have, I just can't land a job. I don't exactly understand why, but rather than letting the disappointment fester in my soul, I'm going to let it go and realize that there's obviously a reason and though I may not understand it now, I will someday.
2. I will never be a size 2. I don't have the greatest self-image, but I'm working on it. I am doing what I can to be healthy, but I don't care for starving and puking isn't my thing so it's time to accept that I am who I am. I can be happy in my own skin and size.
3. My house is never going to be spotless. I love Brian more than anything, but between him and the two dogs, I have to give up my strangle hold on cleanliness and realize that I can get the house close to spotless, but eventually my husband comes home and the dog can't stay outside all night, so it's time to give up the idea that I can have a completely sanitary home.
4. Debt sucks. I got into debt my last two years of college and I would give anything to go back and change that, but I can't so I just need to find a job that will pay off my debt and then I can finally move on to the next stage of life.
5. I can't run from family. I really haven't meant to become distant with family. I do see them at least once a month, but after what happened in December, I realize how much I'd like to have them around. I need to do a better job of that.
Well, I can't think of anything else right now, so that's a good sign that maybe I'm not as far from where I'd like to be in my life. Now, this wasn't meant as a pity-party, I just needed to get some things off my chest. Yep, I'm feeling better already.
5 comments:
Hey, I bet it does feel good to get that off your chest! You know, I'm never going to be a size 6 again no matter how long I hang on to the 5 pairs of brand new size 6 jeans that I'll never be able to wear now. It really is hard to come to grips with some of that stuff. I understand the cleaning thing too. Now with two kids I have to just deal with the fact that my house isn't going to be spotless because even if I had time to clean it, it would just get messed up again in 2 hours! I hope you still get a chance to be a teacher anyway, I bet you would be a really fun teacher to have.
I am so inspired by you! It's always a good idea to give yourself a good reality check and set some goals. You've inspired me to do the same. Thanks for sharing!
Hey Kimber! You know, I had to come to terms with some of that stuff myself...the housecleaning thing I ended up just letting go when the kids got bigger. I'd rather them remember hanging out and doing fun things with me rather than their only memories of me growing up is constantly cleaning! The size thing I struggle with too, I can relate completely! But I must say that I am happy that you have come to terms that your family is here for you always..even when you get married! :)
Kimber thanks for your thoughts :) Btw, I've been meaning to tell you that you're a great writer. So if you've come to terms with the fact that you're not going to be a teacher ... consider writing ;)
Btw, being a size 2 doesn't solve self-esteem issues. I drive Trent crazy with my skinny-person self esteem issues (do you want to talk about what it is like to have absolutely no butt and boobs so small they're practically concave? That is what it's like to have poor self-esteem and be a size 2!) So amen for letting go of things we can't control and finding TRUE happiness :D
Kimber...your awesome!
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